Miranda Kerr did not get fired

Us Weekly published the ridiculous claim yesterday that Miranda Kerr had been fired from Victoria's Secret because of her "difficult reputation." Well they're wrong. While Miranda is stepping aside as an Angel, it's more of an amicable split. Or maybe the bitch cheated with Frederick's, what do I know? The President of Victoria's Secret, Ed Razek, told Just Jared:

"Miranda Kerr is one of the best models in the history of the business - and easily one of the most popular. She is also a consummate professional. Any rumors to the contrary are simply untrue. While her international commitments have kept her away from us more than we'd like over the past few years, she will always be an Angel to me. We have no plans to stop working with her. In fact, I've already invited her to walk the runway in this year's fashion show and, happily, she's agreed."

Of course she wasn't fired. When you look like Miranda Kerr, you don't get fired. Bad things don't happen to pretty people like they do to ugly people. And it's their own fault, too, because ugly people lie and steal. My dad taught that to me as a kid after we had just cut in front of a bunch of uglies at the airport, and it's a lesson I hope to pass on someday to my own beautiful offspring.

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